You cry, my child.
We all panic when we see a crying child. The child doesn’t matter to us or not.
Shut up, don’t cry!
You don’t cry now!
Go to your room there!
You’re a big man, you’re still crying about everything.
We grew up hearing many of these words. For a generation that does not account for the limit of hiccups knotted in the throat. And we can say this unintentionally to our lambs… When I cry, the mouth is full of children with a pacifier stuffed or distracted by television. My mother never said that to me. He always used to say, “cry out my child.” For some reason, when he said so, all my craving was passed. Now I’m not a very juicy eye person. Maybe the effect of the profession, maybe the upbringing, maybe the creation … I do not know. I don’t cry so easily. The knife must rest on the bone to cry.
I never told her to cry when she grew her age. Every time he cried, I went to him, hugging him (or trying to hug) to make him feel that I understood him and that I was there for him. When we were little, we went through a period of crying for everything, just like everyone else. Then I tried to respect her crying, even though my patience was overflowing.
For some reason, we all agree that crying is a way of communication for babies, but we think it’s not appropriate to cry when the same babies grow up and start talking.
We often identify crying with suffering. And we suppose that when our children stop crying at our warning, they also listen to their pain. However, there is a need to cry. Children and even we need to cry to get rid of the bad and painful experiences and events.
Because with every tear we pour out, stress hormones like ACTH and cortisol are removed from our body. There are even studies showing that the amount of cortisol in tears changes according to the reason of crying. For example, the tear cortisol level, which is very low when weep from happiness, is quite high in severe losses such as the death of a relative. Crying not only allows us to relax emotionally, but also toxins in the body.
Do you know why we become more emotional and cry more often than ever when we are pregnant or breastfeeding? Prolactin doesn’t just make us breastfeed. It also acts on tear glands and allows us to cry abundantly. Perhaps nature helps the pregnant woman in this way by lowering the level of stress hormone in her body and protecting the baby from stress.
Do you know why I’m so stuck with this crying thing? Because I’m reading Anetha Solter’s Ear to Your Child. Aletha Solter says;
’’ Crying is a stress-induced action, and it is necessary to understand stress to understand the underlying causes of crying. Being a child is stressful in itself, and the stress sources of children are often divided into three:
Negligence due to neglect: The child’s needs are not met because the caregiver’s mother / carer / father is not acting properly. Physical, sexual abuse, emotional negligence stres. Stress (hitting, tattooing, abuse oluş) caused by the behavior of someone to the child.
Suffering from the situation: Suffering from the conditions of life. Immediate situations such as parental death, long separation from parents, parent fights or failure to do so
Suffering from infancy: Birth traumas, colics, inadequate and timely needs and excessive stimulation.
One of the important things we missed is the fact that children under stress have a much greater tendency to cry or have a fit.
What shouldn’t we do when our children cry?
Let’s not cry in your room.
Let’s not punish, not threaten.
Let’s not make fun of him:
Let’s not underestimate: Do you cry for that too?
Let’s not breastfeed (if hungry, let’s breastfeed)
Let’s not pacifier
Let’s not distract him “Look, the bird flew !!!”
Let’s not try to laugh
So what do we have to do when our children cry?
In fact, the most important thing they expect from us is to be understood and accepted. Babies who feel the need to unload tension cry need to hold. If we cannot hold on lap, we can hold tight. You may think that when some children hold you, they will resist, but pushing the obstacle will be good for them.
No matter what we do, let’s show interest in him by watching or hugging him during tears and tantrums, and convey our love with our body language and words.
We may not always understand what our children are crying for, but they always have good reasons to cry and be accepted.
Let’s try to hug our crying lambs without saying ”shut up, don’t cry!. When she cries, all she really needs is to feel like we understand her.
Then let the tears go away!